


Collection

by FuchsiaMae



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fill, mention of pornography
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2019-08-20 02:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16547084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuchsiaMae/pseuds/FuchsiaMae
Summary: Prompt: "Things you said that I wish you hadn't."(Originally posted to Tumblr 04/19/15)





	Collection

The usual crowd sat around the mess hall table, taking lunch. Donnelly and Matthews, off at the far end, were snickering to each other over something in the latest Fornax. No one but EDI heard what they said exactly, but when she chimed in, everyone suddenly paid attention. 

“Maybe I could help? I have an extensive collection of pornographic material.”

The mess hall went silent. Joker felt his ears turn red. 

Donnelly nearly choked on his sandwich. “Uh – excuse me?”

“I have a database of erotic material from a wide variety of species and cultures, if you’d like to use it. There is a large section devoted to krogan mating rituals and even interspecies – ”

“Whoa, whoa, okay,” Joker cut in, “I don’t think anyone needed to hear that.” 

“But Crewman Matthews was wondering – ”

“I’ll look it up on my own, EDI. Thanks.” Matthews ducked his head to hide his flush of embarrassment. 

“I apologize if I’ve offended you,” EDI said, sounding puzzled, as stifled giggles began to pepper the room. 

Joker put a hand on her shoulder and pulled himself up to standing. “C’mon, let’s go… check the internal compensators or something.”

“The internal compensators are functioning – ”

“Come  _on_ , EDI.” At his insistence she rose from the table, and he leaned on her arm as they headed for the bridge. Before the elevator door closed behind them, the crew still eating heard him hiss, “Why can’t you keep your weird porn to yourself?”

Then the door slid shut, and they had a few moments in private. “I didn’t embarrass you, did I Jeff?” The AI’s tone was suddenly much less apologetic. 

“Well no, but – ” He sighed. “You know we don’t really – talk about that stuff in front of people. Right?”

“I know. But they started it.”

She sounded unmistakably playful now, and Joker caught on. “Wait a minute, you did that on purpose!”

“I thought it might be funny.”

Then the door opened on the CIC. As they stepped out, Jeff asked offhand, “Where’d you get all that krogan stuff, anyway?”

“Most of those files I got from Mordin.”

“ _Mordin_?”

“I told him I was collecting samples of the erotica of various species. He was very helpful.”

“Oh-kay, I did  _not_ need to know that.”

“Then you should not have asked.”


End file.
